To Remember You
by Siaram
Summary: Two people torn apart by tragedy... Unknown to one, a raw wound to the other. How will they find their way back to each other?... [Trory]CHAPTER9 is up!
1. Learning the truth

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Disclaimer : I don't have any right on Gilmore Girls, if I had, do you seriously think I would have chosen Dean over Tristan?

  
  
  
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Author's Note: First, thank you Jayde my wonderful BETA. Second, I know what some of you might say, another story? What about updates on the other fics? Starting tonight I'm off work for two big weeks! Yeah! I'll try to update my other fics. Now, in this story, I have no control over the events or characters, I let them be and I got surprised by the outcome. I hope you enjoy, drop a note to please me. Now go read!

  
  
  


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To Remember You  
Chapter 1: Learning the truth

  
  
  
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Tristan stares at the stars in the sky from the reclined seat of his silver Porsche convertible. So many nights he spent looking at the same sky from this parking spot in Stars Hollow. Stars Hollow; a small town with its noisy citizens. He used to be annoyed by them, but now they ignore him as if he was invisible. As warm and friendly this little crazy town can be, as cold it can turn. Taking a cigarette out of the glove compartment, he lights it up and takes a long satisfying drag. He looks at the house in front of him. His eyes stop on the front porch while his mind replays an old memory.

  
  
  
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Tristan stares at the stars in the sky from the reclined seat of his silver Porsche. Taking a cigarette out of the glove compartment, he lights it up and take a long satisfying drag. When he closes his eyes, Rory jumps over the door to rest on the passenger seat. Tristan raises his inclined seat to kiss Rory but she pulls away, laughing at him as she sees the confusion in his eyes.

"Don't worry Tristan; I haven't changed my mind about dating you, just about kissing an ashtray!" And Rory starts laughing as Tristan puts out the cigarette and start eating mint.

After a while, Tristan asks, "Where do you want to go tonight?"

Getting serious, Rory leans close to him, her lips teasing his ear when she whispers, "Anywhere, as long as there is coffee and us!"

Tristan turns slowly his head to kiss her softly when he suggests, "What about my place?"

Rory smiles at Tristan tenderly before fastening her seat belt saying, "I don't think so Mister! Come on! It's our second date plus you still taste like ashes!"

  
  
  
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Tristan puts out his cigarette, somehow, in front of this house; smoking always makes him feel bad. He sees the living room curtain move a little and Lorelai appears behind the windows, her eyes are sad, she gives him a wry smile as she shakes her head from left to right. Tristan starts the car, backing out of the driveway, in direction of Hartford. 

  
  
  
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Tristan stops the car in front of his mansion. He looks at it with sad eyes. Even the house seems to miss his wife, everything looks so cold while when she was there everything radiated with a soft orange glow. Starting the engine again, he leaves this cold place to get warmed up in the closest bar.

Upon entering the bar, he walks to the counter without paying attention to people around him. Ordering a double scotch, he finds a corner in the shadows where he could sit and be by himself. Looking at the liquid in his glass, he wonders what happened to make him feel so cheap, what happened to make alcohol his only resting place. 

"Oh! God, What do you want me to say? Her indifference crushes my heart that I only think of dying. I know I have to start over, but I don't want to." He mutters.

  
  
  
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Tristan enters the nursery looking for Rory, she's still sitting on the rocking chair, holding a porcelain doll and humming a lullaby. It's been a week, seven days; she even missed her daughter's funeral. She hasn't cried, she just rocks the doll, changes the diaper, and rocks it again. As if it never happened. As if Victoria wasn't dead. He wishes that Victoria was still alive and breathing but seven days ago, she just stopped breathing in the middle of the night. Rory hasn't cried yet.

"Rory, come on, you have to eat. Come with me please."

Rory looks at Tristan with bewilderment when she finally speaks, "I can't, don't you hear Vicky? She can't stop crying!" 

Tristan gets really scared as he watches his beloved wife going crazy. He calls the only person who might be able to help her. Lorelai.

  
  
  
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"Lucifer, you took advantage of my weakness to make me visit Hell. But it's not your fault, it's me that thought I could befriend you. I just got cheated oh! Damn Lucifer!" Looking at his still untouched glass, Tristan continues what he was saying, "Sex, bar and alcohol, are the kind of illusions I consume. If we are what we eat, God you know very well that I'll never be an angel. But I want to change, filter my past and dump the garbage. And I want to take the time, to make peace with suffering." Without touching his glass, Tristan walks out of the bar, climbs inside his car and speeds away.

  
  
  
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Tristan stares at the stars in the sky from the reclined seat of his silver Porsche convertible. So many stars are covering the sky tonight. It's been four months since he last saw Rory, four months since the dreadful day when he brought her to her mom. Four months of needing her, four months of mourning the loss of his five month old baby, four months of fear for his beloved wife. Tristan is lost in his dark thoughts when he's brought back to reality by Lorelai's voice,

"May I sit with you?" Tristan nods his head lightly, and Lorelai climbs in the passenger seat asking, "Why did you come back Tristan?"

She is facing him, but his eyes never leave the stars in the sky as he says, "I need her Lorelai. She has you, I only had her!"

Lorelai get close to him and takes him in her arms, rocking him slowly. Tristan returns the embrace as tears starts falling down his cheeks. As his sobs become louder and louder, Lorelai whispers softly, "You know she hasn't cried yet." 

When Tristan calms down after a while, he breaks the hug and tell Lorelai, "I need to see her, tonight. I'm lost without her!"

Lorelai looks at him sadly replying, "But she doesn't want to see you Tristan. She wants to forget all about you!"

Opening his door, Tristan gets up and says, "I don't care, I need to see her, even if for her to tell me herself that she doesn't want to see me anymore!"

Lorelai gets out of the car also to go stand in front of Tristan, trying to put some sense in his head, "Tristan, as much as I love you, I have to side with what my daughter wants. I'm the mother and I don't want you to go disturb her!"

Tristan looks at Lorelai straight in the eyes when he replies, "I love you too Lorelai and I respect you but I'M the husband!"

Looking down at her feet, Lorelai mutters, "Not for long."

Anger flashes in Tristan's eyes as he forces Lorelai to look at him screaming, "What is that supposed to mean?"

Lorelai lets herself falls on the uncut grass, tears flowing out of her eyes whispering, "She forgot all about you and Victoria. She remembers everything else. She went to Paris's wedding, but she went alone. She lived in Hartford, but she lived alone. Something flipped in her mind and you never existed for her!" Lorelai cries harder, unable to speak.

Tristan walks up the porch, opens the door and enters the house. He walks in direction of the kitchen, softly knocking on Rory's bedroom door.

Rory opens the door and is lost in the dept of Tristan's blue eyes. She blushes and smiles shyly. Then she looks at the floor and asks, "Who are you?"

Pain fill Tristan's eyes, Rory can see the pain.

Before Tristan can say anything, Rory whispers, "Where we close? It seems that I lost part of my memory, erasing events that I am supposed to remember and not being told about."

Rory goes inside the kitchen, starts a fresh pot of coffee and sits down.

Tristan sits in front of her, unable to speak, scared to say things he shouldn't say. Finally he asks, "Why can't anyone tell you about it?"

Rory looks down at table and replies, "My therapist says that too much unwanted information at the same time could damage my memory even more. I should go to places that I could help me remember things, but I have to remember them by myself. Now, who are you?"

Smiling sadly, Tristan whispers, "I can't tell you, you erased me." Rory looks at him, trying to place him but nothing except different feelings burst inside her. Anger, sadness, joy, happiness, desperateness, safety and love is what she feels all at once. 

Shaking her head slightly, she murmurs, "I know that I know you, but I'm sorry… I don't remember you."

Tristan stands up, offers his hand to her, "Then help me walk you down memory lane."

Rory takes his offered hand, feeling a sparks at the touch. She smiles and agrees, "Sure, let me just tell my mom!"

Tristan lets go of her hand saying, "I have a couple of phone calls to make then we'll go for a ride."

  
  
  
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Author's Note: Drop a comment, I'll love you forever.  
**Siaram**


	2. Echoes from the past

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Author's Note: Thank you to every reviewer, you made me happy. Jayde(coffeechick87) and I are writing a story together which will appear in the following days under JayDI, a mix of both of our names. For all the readers, read and review, it'll make my day and motivates me to write more!

  
  
  


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To Remember You  
Chapter 2: Echoes from the past

  
  
  
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Tristan watches the road while Rory looks at him, trying to remember him. The only thing she is certain of is that she feels safe around him. She doesn't even know his name; he doesn't want to tell her.

Looking at the houses surrounding them, she whispers, "I used to live in this neighborhood!"

Stunned, Tristan looks at her and asks, "Where?"

She points to a big white house and says, "Right there! But I guess the loneliness of being alone in a house got to me. I ran back to my mom four months ago."

Tristan's jaw's muscles tighten as he recognizes his own house. His fists tighten on the wheel before he murmurs, "What happened to your belonging?"

Rory rests her head on the seat before saying her voice shaking, "I tried to go back to get it but something kept me away from going. I just don't have the strength to go. It's weird; it's as if something horrible happened in this house and I don't remember it. I even went once, I've reached the front door and I was ready to ring the bell when I got scared and ran away." 

Tristan takes a deep breath, stops at a red light and when he turns to face her, he finally asks, "If I went with you, would you go?"

Smiling shyly she looks into his sad eyes and whispers, "I don't even know your name but somehow I know that you would give me the strength to go. It's weird, I feel like I have this strong connection with you but I don't even know you!"

A soft smile crosses Tristan features when he replies, "I feel it too."

Rory deciding to lighten the mood asks, "So, where are you bringing me?"

Tristan smirks at her when he says, "Where we first met and you first learned to hate me!" 

Rory is about to reply, shocked by his revelation when a car honked behind them motioning them to move.

  
  
  
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"Don't tell me you were one of those unknown guy in Chilton that sits by themselves at lunch, reading and listening to music!" 

Tristan laughs at her, replying, "No! That was your job!"

She laughs as well as they enter the Chilton grounds.

Tristan brings her to her old locker, leans beside it. Rory advances, not to sure what she is about to do. As she tries to open the lock,

  
  
  
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"You know what these are?" A sixteen year old Tristan asks Rory.

She barely glances at him when she replies still occupied in her locker, "Looks like concert tickets." 

Tristan looks nervously around before offering, "One of them is for you!"

"I can't date you Tristan!"

  
  
  
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"You can borrow my notes if you want!"

"That would be nice!" 

Cornering Rory against the locker, he asks, "How nice?"

  
  
  
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"You're odd, you know?"

"Thank you!" Tristan leans over Rory and kisses her. She responds for a while before she runs away crying.

  
  
  
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"I'd kiss you goodbye but your boyfriend is watching."

  
  
  
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"Tristan." She murmurs the name that she had learned from her memories, "Oh! My god! We kissed! You made my life here a living hell!" She starts walking away from him, tears flowing down her cheeks. How can he be cruel like that! Coming back to her after so many years and take advantage of the fact that she lost her memory! She starts to run, only to rest on a bench in Chilton's courtyard. She screams, "I left with my worst nightmare without any questions! I felt safe! I felt safe beside the biggest player of all time!"

Tristan sits down beside her, his eyes filled with sadness. When she is about to run away again, he takes hold of her hand whispering, "Let me explain Rory. I had to bring you here. If you want to remember everything, you need to start at the beginning."

Rory is not looking at him, she frees her hand and starts to walk away muttering, "As well as the end!"

  
  
  
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Tristan is lying on the bench. Hoping she is going to come back. He is staring at the stars. Eyes filled with sorrow when he hears footstep coming closer to him. He doesn't move, letting her speak first.

"I called my mom to come and get me, but she said I had to deal with this." Tristan doesn't respond, he doesn't move. 

  
  
  
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"Mom! That was a trap with the devil! You have to come and get me away from him!" 

On the other line of the phone, Lorelai sighs before asking, "So, you do remember him now?" 

While talking, Rory walks up and down the corridors of Chilton, she responds harshly, "I liked him better when I didn't remember him! I hate him, mom!"

"Do you really hate him, Ror? Because hate is sure a big word and…"

"No, I guess I just loved hating him. It made my days interesting."

"Then go back to him, apologize and the way I know him, he'll forgive you. This is something you have to do Rory. For you." Not saying anything else, Lorelai hangs up the phone.

  
  
  
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"Come on Tristan! You're my ride home!" Tristan is still not moving, she finally looks at him. Observing him, he looks sad, so sad as if he's about to cry.

She sits on the ground beside the bench and whispers, "I'm sorry that I was mean earlier. I didn't think that it would hurt you."

Still looking at the sky, Tristan murmurs, "There's so much you forgot about me Rory. Our story didn't end in Chilton. It's just that it hurts that you forgot all about me. It hurts that you came back hating me… That you still think I'm playing you."

She takes his hand and says, "I'm sorry, I'll try to remember you. Will you still help me?" 

Tristan stands up, helps her up and asks, "Can I show you one last place before I bring you home?" Rory nods slightly. Tristan makes her follow him inside the cold corridors of Chilton until they reach they auditorium. He passes the entrance, bringing her in the direction of the main exit doors, making her stop not far from them. He bends down and points a spot in the wall. Rory bends down as well, instinctively reaching for his hand before reading what was carved on the wall,

  
  
  
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"To my beloved Mary, 

I made you mad, provoked you,

Now I'm leaving, please know that I think I was in love with you."

  
  
  
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Rory raises her eyes to look inside Tristan's and asks softly, "You were in love with me?"

Tristan starts walking, never letting go of her hand. They exit Chilton, crossing the parking lot to his car. Once inside, he whispers, "I thought I was in love, but back then I didn't know what it meant."

Tristan starts the engine of his Porsche and start driving. Upon entering the highway branch, he hears a soft whisper, "And now, do you know what love is?"

Still looking at the road in front of him, a single tear falls from his right eye when he murmurs, "You're the one who taught me."

The rest of the ride was silent, Rory felt a weird urge to comfort Tristan, but not knowing how to, she refrained.

  
  
  
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Upon entering the driveway, Rory asks, "What happened to us?"

Stunned, Tristan turns to look into her eyes seeking for answers to his internal questions. Not finding any, he replies, "I can't tell you Rory."

Rory starts biting her bottom lip, wondering how she can ever have the answers that she so desperately needs. She opens her mouth but closes it as fast. Tristan whispers, "I think we have to make you remember slowly, even if it kills the both of us." 

Rory doesn't know how to put her feelings into words. She is scared of never seeing him again and at the same time she is scared to find out hurtful moments from her past. Deciding to follow her heart's wishes, she leans over him and brings her lips to his.

  
  
  
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"Rory Gilmore! I love you so much I want to scream it to the whole world." Tristan whispers softly. 

Rory looks at him and whispers, "Give me a little more time Tristan. Breaking the news to Paris won't be easy and I don't want to lose her friendship." 

With pleading eyes, Tristan answers softly, "I never cared about Paris… Why does it have to be so difficult?"

  
  
  
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Rory breaks the connection, sees that Tristan is devastated by the loss of contact. She whispers, "Oh my God! I fell in love with you! How did that happen?"

Tristan raises one hand to rest in the back of her neck, kisses her tenderly and replies, "You'll find out over the week-end. I'll come and pick you up tomorrow around seven."

Rory locks her eyes with Tristan's, fighting the urge to express the feelings in her heart when she leans for a last kiss and murmurs, "I'll be waiting for you."

Exiting the car, she runs to his side, covers both of his cheeks with her hand and continues with the same tone, "Somehow, in my heart, I know that I love you."

With one last kiss, she runs inside the house, without hearing his answer.

  
  
  
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Author's Note: Hope you enjoyed!   
**Siaram**


	3. Rory & Tristan: The early years

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Author's Note: I wanted to thank all of those who reviewed, it always makes me happy. I also wanted to thank Jayde for BETAing and helping me to improve. Now, third chapter is up, you know the drill! Drop me a note to make me happy!

  
  
  


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To Remember You  
Chapter 3: Rory and Tristan, the early years.

  
  
  
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Rory is looking for someone she knows. Ever since she got to this 'End of school year celebration' at a frat house that she has already forget the name of, she encountered a lot of drunken kids making promises to each other to keep in touch over the summer. But she hasn't talked to a single soul, and can't seem to find a quiet place to read. Directing herself toward the exit with the firm intention of leaving the party, she bumps into someone. She would have fell if it wasn't for two arms that brought her closer to the stranger, holding her close to his body. Slowly raising her head, her eyes widen in surprise as she recognises the owner's blue eyes and his famous smirk, 

"I always knew you would try to jump me someday Mary!" Rory tries to unwrap his arms from her body but he holds her still. Lowering his head, his mouth dangerously close to her ear, "Just give me one dance, time to catch up a bit then I'll let you go."

"I don't know Tristan. I was just leaving."

Raising his head to be face to face with her, he realises that her eyes are focusing on his lips, a soft smile appears on his handsome features as he whispers, "Come on Rory, I won't bite you unless you ask me to, but you're the first familiar face I encountered tonight!" 

His arms still around her, one of his hands instinctively starts going up and down her back, sending shivers through her body. Feeling a bit weak at the touch, Rory tries to control her shaking voice, "And why would I dance with you? We hate each other, remember?"

"You hate me, I've always liked you." With this brutal reminder of her hatred, he lets her go and starts to walk away, his shoulders slumped in defeat.

Without his warm embrace and witnessing his defeated posture walking away, she sighs, and walks after him, puts one hand on his arm, hoping to make him face her but Tristan doesn't turn around, not wanting to face her, he stays still waiting for Rory to speak.

"One dance, and then I leave."

Still not turning around, Tristan asks with his voice filled with sadness, "And why would you waste your time dancing with me?"

"Because I've never hated you."

  
  
  
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Rory wakes up, looking at the clock reading 3:41. How could she have forgotten about it? Thinking that maybe if she goes back to sleep other memories will come back, she closes her eyes, trying to sleep, but the excitement over her new memory keeps her from falling back to sleep. She needs to share this with someone. Without thinking about her actions, she grabs the phone and dials a familiar number. After four rings, the ringing stops and she hears a grunt on the other side of the line.

"Tristan, it's me, Rory. Did I wake you up?" Tristan sits down in his bed, trying to open his eyes to look at the clock, 4:07.

"Obviously at four in the morning I was sleeping, Rory."

Rory, starting to feel bad, whispers, "Well, I'm sorry I disturbed you. I'll just call back tomorrow…or, rather later today."

Tristan closes his eyes saying, "No, it's okay Rory. I'm awake now. Was there anything important you wanted to share with me?"

Rory smiles to no one and whispers, "I had a dream."

"Was I in your dream?"

"Yes."

"Did we do naughty things in it?"

"Tristan, be serious for a minute. I wanted to talk to you because it was just so real, I think I remembered something else."

"Tell me your dream."

After listening to her dream, Tristan smiles and says, "But after that dance, we didn't stop. We had too much fun. We danced half the night and we drank coffee the other half. I brought you back to your room around seven in the morning…" 

Rory cuts him off to continue herself, "… And we couldn't stop giggling because we were way too high on caffeine. Paris got mad and she screamed at me that I wanted to ruin her life by worrying her so much for not calling…"

Tristan laughs and continues, "… And she yelled at me for giving you too much coffee and trying to corrupt you!"

Rory's eyes close by themselves and she whispers, "I think I'll be able to fall asleep again now."

Tristan lies down on his bed, murmuring before hanging up the phone, "I'll see you in your dreams."

  
  
  
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Tristan and Rory are on the couch in Rory's house and mocking the hair styles and colours of clothes from the eighties movie they are watching. Tristan half lying down on the couch while Rory is resting in his arms. Tristan is playing softly with Rory's hair as she smiles softly. Lorelai enters the house and upon seeing her daughter and Tristan, a smile crosses her lips. She sits down on a chair in front of the cosy couple oblivious to her presence.

"When are you going to admit it guys, you're made to be together not to be friends!" 

Tristan gets up, kisses Rory softly on the lips saying, "I'll let you two talk about me. I have to go change anyway. Rory, do you want me to pick you up or you'll meet me there?"

Curious, Lorelai teases a little, "Aren't you gentleman enough to pick up your girlfriend when you attend a party with her?"

Giving his famous smirk to Lorelai, "Well, you see Lorelai, she's my best friend and she's completely free!" Opening the door to leave, he turns around to glance at Rory as she says,

"I might run late, I'll meet you there!"

Tristan exits the room and Lorelai mutters between her teeth, "You are both fools Rory and since when have you started to kiss your best friend?"

Rory blushes a bit when she explains, "It was mistake that happened last week. One night when he was about to leave, he was telling me goodbye, he leaned down to kiss my cheek but I accidentally faced him and he landed on my lips."

"And why wasn't I informed about this? I am your mother and Honey; you used to tell me everything! I want details now!"

"I don't know what to say, it just happened."

"Admit it Rory, you're in love with him!"

"I'm not in love with Tristan, we have fun together. We enjoy each others company, that's it!"

A mischievous smile crosses Lorelai's feature as she gets up, leaving the room to seek for coffee saying, "Denial, Denial."

Rory jumps up behind her, just when she about to enter her room, "Well, if it's true, you should look into a mirror while saying that!"

"And what exactly is that supposed to mean?"

"Mom, figure it out."

  
  
  
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Rory wakes up again by the smell of fresh coffee. Slowly, she gets up to join Lorelai in the kitchen.

"Morning." Lorelai mumbles from behind her coffee cup.

Rory, her eyes still closed, directs herself to the coffee machine. She fills a cup while trying to keep an eye open. Drinks the whole cup, fills another one then sits on a chair, her arms crossing on the table just in time to welcome her head. 

"Someone didn't sleep much last night! Did you and Tristan do something dirty?"

"Mom! Gross! We are talking about a guy I didn't remember existed yesterday. All I know right now, is that he had been the bane of my existence for over a year, that apparently we had a lot in common, because we became inseparable friends. And somehow, I know that we fell in love, but I don't remember it yet."

"You remembered all that last night?"

"Well, yeah, in a way. We kissed goodnight last night and I had a memory of him telling me that he loved me."

"Was it a good kiss?"

"Yes, mom. And, I called him in the middle of the night."

"Was he mad?"

"No, we talked and it was amazing, we were completing each other sentences, as if we were the same spirit!"

"Yeah, you used to do that a lot." Lorelai, finishes her coffee cup, stands up to refill it. Suddenly, she asks softly, "Rory, how exactly did you know his number?" 

Shock covers Rory's features as she murmurs, "I don't know, I just knew it." 

Lorelai looks at her daughter tenderly, fighting the tears from her eyes, she forces a smile while looking at her daughter, trying to control her voice, "I'm going to change, and then we can go to Luke's for coffee!"

Lorelai doesn't wait for an answer, escaping into the privacy of her room. Once her door is closed, she lets herself fall back onto the door, tears now running freely down her cheeks as she murmurs to no one,

"The nightmare is getting closer. Lord, make her strong enough to deal with it this time."

  
  
  
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Author's Note: Comments, suggestions are always welcome  
**Siaram**


	4. Rory & Tristan: The happy years

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Disclaimer : I don't have any right on Gilmore Girls, if I had, do you seriously think I would have kept Dean that long on the show?

  
  
  
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Author's Note: Thank you for all the wonderful reviews I received. And a big thanks to Jayde, who is my beta, and who is my co-writer. we write under the name JayDI (Jayde & Didi).

  
  
  


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To Remember You  
Chapter 4: Rory & Tristan: The happy years.

  
  
  
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Sitting in the town Gazebo, Rory closes her eyes while waiting for her mom to join her.

  
  
  
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It's an unnaturally hot end of September night and the town looks deserted except for Rory who is sitting in the town Gazebo, tears falling down her cheeks not even trying to hide them. She doesn't feel like going home just now, knowing that Tristan will probably look for her there. She lies down on the bench, letting the pain flow from her eyes.

Tristan approaches Rory quietly, sits down in front of her head, "Rory, I've looked everywhere for you. Talk to me."

Not opening her eyes, Rory whispers, "Not now, Tristan. I don't want to talk to you right now."

Tristan gets up to Rory's short relief because instead of leaving, he forces her to give him some space on the bench. Gently, Tristan forces her head to rest on his legs. Neither says a word for a moment, Tristan plays softly with her hair while she tries to stop her tears.

"Are you ready to talk now?"

Rory shifts her position to look at him with sad eyes, ashamed of the jealousy fit she showed earlier. "Can we just forget it even happened?"

"No, we can't, because I think I know what this is about and I need to hear it from you. I want to be sure I haven't imagined things."

Rory blushes uncomfortably, not knowing how to explain herself. "I guess I got jealous when I saw you kissing Brooke."

Hope flickers inside his heart, "Why?"

Rory gets up and walks nervously around the gazebo, "Why? I don't know why? Maybe because for the previous four months we've been together all the time. Because usually when we go to a party I have your undivided attention. Because we've been kissing for the last month and you've never even tried to make out with me. Because she got to make out with you right there and you forgot all about me. Because I'm scared that you'll start dating her and forget all about me."

Tears falls down her cheek as she finds the strength to look at him only to realise that he's not on the bench anymore. Turning around to see where he went, she is hold in a tight embrace. Tristan brings his face close to her, kissing her tears away. "I didn't know you felt that way Rory. I'm sorry."

Feeling rejected, Rory tries to escape only to be held tighter against him. Tristan's lips meet Rory's in a lingering kiss, biting her bottom lips softly. Rory tries to protest but he takes this opportunity to invade her mouth with his tongue. Rory breaks the kiss after a little while, looking sadder than before, " I don't want you to pity me, Tristan."

Tristan laughs a little, his eyes sparking with a new light. Grazing her lips, "I didn't kiss you out of pity Rory, I did because I wanted to. I didn't try to make out with you before because you said that you only wanted to be friends and I respected that. I never wanted to be your friend but I figured it was better being your friend than being nothing at all."

  
  
  
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Rory is sitting on her front porch waiting for Tristan to pick her up, not to sure of the way she should behave. Should she tell him everything she remembered during the day or simply show him that she remembers more? Lost in her thoughts, she is surprised when she hears, "Hey, are you ready?"

"Not yet." Tristan sits down beside her and out of habit he puts an arm around her shoulder. Her head falls on his shoulder instinctively. " You played my best friend to have me in your life. That's sweet."

A cloud of sadness covers Tristan's eyes, "How much do you remember?"

"First kiss, my first jealousy fight over Brooke, the first time you said 'I love you'."

Tristan smirks, stands up extending his hand to help Rory up also, "Does it means I'm aloud to kiss my girlfriend 'hello'." Rory closes the short distance to meet his warm lips. Neither of them sees Lorelai watching them behind the curtain with sad eyes.

  
  
  
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"Where are we going?"

Concentrating on the road in front of him, Tristan answers softly, "Yale."

  
  
  
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"How could you do that to me? You told me so many times that you didn't like Tristan that way and I believed you!"

Sitting on the couch with a bored look on her face, Rory explains, "Paris, that was five years ago and he wasn't interested in you then, what makes you think that he would be now. I don't see how I stole him from you."

Paris is pacing on the carpet with rage, spitting out her words, "If you hadn't come to Chilton, I might have had chance. But no, sweet and innocent Rory had to transfer and steal everything away from me! You stole Tristan, you became Valedictorian when I was supposed to be, Harvard accepted you instead of me, and the only way I became Student Council President was because YOU were my vice-president." Paris sprawls on the couch, softening her voice, "I tried to hate you but somehow I can't because as mean as I can be, you're always there."

"I didn't mean for it to happen Paris."

"Just tell me, when did you start seeing each other as more than friends?"

"Last week-end."

"But he was making out with Brooke!"

A soft smile appears on Rory's lips, "Brooke was what made me open my eyes."

  
  
  
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Tristan and Rory are sitting under Rory's tree, "What are you thinking about?"

"Paris, I can't believe I had forgotten about all the fighting we did over you."

"Well, she was always a controlling girl."

Rory rests against the tree, closing her eyes, "I always loved this tree."

  
  
  
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"Where are you taking me, Tristan?"

Guiding Rory tenderly across campus, "You'll see in a minute. Patience."

"But did you really have to blindfold me?"

Tristan turns Rory around, "Okay, we're here."

Tristan takes the scarf off of Rory's eyes. She is amazed by the view; at her favourite tree is a blanket with a circle of candles illuminating a picnic basket. Rory asks, "What…Wh-why?"

Leading her in the middle of the candles, he helps her sit down before taking place beside her. "It's our one year anniversary."

"No, it's our eight month anniversary."

"Last year, you gave me one dance and I gave you my heart and that's why it's our one year."

"…One year it is then."

  
  
  
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Looking at the time, Tristan reluctantly picks up the left over of their celebration, dropping everything in the basket. Helping Rory to her feet, he takes the basket in one hand, Rory's hand in the other. They walk slowly to Rory's suite, not wanting the night to end. In front of Rory's door, Tristan asks, " Come with me, stay with me tonight?"

Rory blushes a little bit, "What exactly do you want?"

Placing the basket on the floor, he holds her tenderly, "I want you."

Raising herself on her tiptoes, she brushes his lips whispering, "Okay."

  
  
  
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A single tear escapes Rory's eyes as she whispers, "I can't believe I forgot I wasn't a virgin anymore."

Tristan stays still, not saying a word, just looking at her, waiting for her to continue, "And… that night you were so sweet and tender. Do you still love me as much as you did then?"

Taking her hand, Tristan whispers, "No, now I love you more."

Walking across campus, Tristan feels some of his sadness leave him as Rory remembers. They reach the front entrance to walk in the street surrounding the campus. Tristan stops in front on a small Victorian building.

  
  
  
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"Rory, when is your deadline to make the deposit check to reserve your dorm room?"

Rory takes a sip of her coffee, "Tristan, we just slept together, how do you know we can live together?"

"I want to wake up with you in my arms every morning."

"Don't you think it's a little fast?"

"If I'm with you, things will never go too fast."

"…I'll think about it."

  
  
  
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"My baby is moving in with a man. I really feel old now."

Rory looks at her mom, still as radiant and beautiful as ever. She hugs her mom, "I'll always be your little girl mom, but I'm going to be twenty-two soon. I have to try it."

"Can't you wait a year Rory?"

"No, I want to be with him all the time."

"You're graduating in May? Won't it be an undesired distraction?"

"He's graduating also mom."

  
  
  
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"I can't believe it!" Rory screams.

Tristan turns around and looks at her worried, "What is it?"

"We lived here for a year and we never fought."

"And you were washing the dishes while I dried it…"

"… I made coffee while you made breakfast…"

"… I told you all my secrets…"

Rory smiles in wonder, "… and you asked me to marry you."

Tristan raises his hand, a small object caught between his fingers, "And you said 'yes'"

Rory looks at the ring in wonder, a soft smile escaping her lips. Rory doesn't look at Tristan and is oblivious to the tears he lets escape.

  
  
  
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Author's Note: Liked it? Hated it? Let me know.  
**Siaram**


	5. Rory & Tristan: The heartbreaking years

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Disclaimer : I don't have any right to Gilmore Girls, if I did, do you really think I would have kept Dean that long on the show? Or have him back? Seriously…..

  
  
  
****

Author's Note: Thank you for all the wonderful reviews I received. And a big thanks to Jayde, who is my beta and slave driver.

  
  
  


****

To Remember You  
Chapter 5: Rory & Tristan: The heartbreaking years.

  
  
  


Lorelai is watching Rory dance in her new husbands' arms. With tears threatening to fall as she watches the happiness radiating from the couple. If she said that she isn't happy for them would be a lie, because she is ecstatic to know that Rory is happy. She just knows that a chapter in both of their life is over, that whatever happens now, nothing would ever be the same. Her thoughts are interrupted by Rory's arms around her, Lorelai sees happiness in her daughter's eyes and forces her face into a smile. Trying to contain her emotion, Rory tells her mother, "I don't think it is possible for anyone in the entire world to be this happy."

Still smiling, salty tears falls down Lorelai's cheeks, "That's all I ever wanted you to be, happy."

"But why are you crying mom?"

"It's just that you're all grown up and, I kind of lost you today."

"You'll never lose me mom, I'll always be your little girl."

  
  
  
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Dancing to a slow song in Tristan's arms, Rory feels content. Raising her eyes to look into Tristan's, she blanches at the sight offered near the entrance of the room. Worried, Tristan asks softly, "What's wrong?"

Still looking at the strange sight, Rory searches for words to accurately say what she's feeling, "It's just… I… I'm… How can…"

Not understanding a word that she's trying to say, Tristan turns to look at what's been bothering her. A radiant smile appears on his features as he says, "Come on, I'll introduce you to them."

"What is SHE doing here?"

Guiding Rory toward the entrance, "SHE is dating my cousin."

As they approaches, Brooke sees them and exclaims brightly, "Congratulations, cousin, and cousin's wife."

Rory mutters a small 'thank you' as Tristan makes the introduction, "Rory, I want you to meet my cousin, Lucas Scott. He's dating Brooke, but they broke up for a couple of years and at that party she had mistaken me for Lucas."

Rory blushes at the memory, not really knowing how to explain the outburst that she had had. Seeing that she might still be in the middle of a conflict, Brooke takes hold of Rory's arm, "Now, we are almost cousins, why don't we go have a drink and chat while the twin cousins here catch up a little?"

  
  
  
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Entering Rory's room, Lorelai watches Rory sleeping, lines of worry marring her face as she thinks of everything that her beloved daughter will have to relive. Sitting down beside Rory, she shakes her little trying to wake her up. Opening her eyes, Rory smiles brightly at her mother. "How are you this morning Rory?"

"In love. Married. Anxious." 

Pushing Rory on the side to lie down beside her, Lorelai looks at the wall, "Why are you anxious?"

"It's more scared actually. You see, two days ago, I didn't know that Tristan existed, and now I'm married to him. I even forgot that Brooke became my friend after the wedding and somehow, everything I feel now is in love with Tristan; I want to share everything with him. But I'm scared of what happened that I don't remember, I don't want to remember anymore. I don't want to forget about all this love and life again but I want the memories to stop coming back."

"Whatever happens Rory, remember this love, this morning how in love you feel. Hold on to this feeling."

Rory gets up and takes her suitcase from under her bed, while starting to place clothes inside, she whispers, "I'll try to remember. I'm leaving, mom."

Sitting up on the bed, Lorelai is worried, "Leaving to go where?"

"I want to go home. I want to go home to my husband but, I'm afraid of what I'll find there." 

Lorelai stands up to hold Rory tightly, emotions running high inside her, "Remember the love, Rory and I'm always only a phone call away."

  
  
  
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"I want this house Tristan." 

Holding Rory's hand in his as they explore the old home, Tristan asks, "Don't you want something a little more…modern?"

Shaking her head 'no', Rory whispers "Look at the chandelier there, the stone fireplace, the ancient mirror, this place holds so many charms that I'm falling in love with it."

"Should I be jealous?"

"No, I'm only in love with it because we will live in it together…"

"…and there's plenty of room to raise lots of children."

  
  
  
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Standing in front of Rory, Tristan asks, "Are you sure you're ready to come back?"

Pain flickers inside Rory's eyes, "Don't you want me home?"

Sadness wells inside his oceanic blue eyes; Tristan embraces her, speaking into her hair, "Only if you promise not to leave me again."

  
  
  


Falling asleep on the couch, Rory snuggles close to Tristan as he continues watching the movie. Closing his eyes, Tristan also falls asleep, content. 

  
  
  
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Washing the dishes, Rory wonders when it is that Tristan stopped drying them. Instead, he opened the fridges door to take a beer. Sighing, Rory tries to remember when the last time Tristan didn't drink for two nights in a row. Looking at the clock, Rory decides to relax in a bath while reading a book.

Tristan enters the bathroom, a little too drunk for Rory's taste. "Let's go out Rory. Let's go play pool and dance."

"Tristan, I just want to relax, I don't want to go out, I've had a rough day."

Sitting beside the tub, Tristan plays softly with Rory's wet hair, "But it's boring without you. Come with me."

"Why don't you stay with me tonight instead? We could watch a movie."

"I'm thirsty Rory."

"Have a glass of water then."

"I don't want water, I want another beer. Come with me, just one then we come back."

"It's never only one more, we're always staying 'till closing time and frankly, the following morning I'm always to tired to work properly."

"Fine, I'll go alone." Standing up, Tristan exits the bathroom slamming the door. Two tears appear in Rory's eyes as she watches the closed door.

  
  
  
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Running up the stairs, Rory holds her tears in, ten minutes in the house and she wants to run away screaming, knowing that the worst is yet to come. Turning on the hot water, she splashes water on her face, hoping to forget these memories.

  
  
  
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Letting the tears fall freely as she watches the stick turn pink, she hopes that Tristan would finally come home. After a huge fight they had a week ago, he left saying that he needed a break. He forgot to call, he forgot Valentine's Day and then, she suspected that she's pregnant. Going to bed without eating anything, she falls into a restless sleep.

  
  
  
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Waking up at midnight, she puts on a jacket and walks down the street in the direction of the little bar Tristan always ends his nights at. Looking through the windows, she sees Tristan with an arm around a blond girl, laughing with other men as the girl licks his neck. Fighting the urge to either run away or throw up, she enters the bar, unaware of her tears soaking face. She walks up to Tristan and without any warning, slaps him once, and then twice until Tristan takes hold of her hands.

"Calm down Rory, you're making a spectacle of yourself."

"I was the one waiting for you to come home for a whole week, feeling sorry about what I said, for not being more understanding, for not trying to help you more. And all this time you were with another girl, I thought you would calm down and we would talk about it like we always do." 

Tristan tries to free himself from his Barbie toy when Barbie asks, "Why do you care about what she thinks, you can have anyone you want. Just tell her it's over and that you have found someone better."

Turning to leave, Rory changes her mind as she faces Tristan, "I want a divorce. And just to inform you, the child I'm carrying will be mine, and mine alone." 

Before she can take a step, Tristan screams, "I won't let you divorce me! I don't even know her, she came on to me, and nothing happened, I swear."

"If nothing happened, then why did you let her kiss your neck?"

  
  
  
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Leaving the bathroom, Rory enters their room, lying down on the bed; she lets the tears escape and falls asleep.

  
  
  
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Rory wakes up in the morning, alone in bed again, but something's different. Scanning the room, she sees Tristan standing in from of the window. Without turning around, Tristan whispers, "Can I try to explain?"

Without moving, Rory slightly shifts to face his back, "I'm not sure if there's anything to explain."

Finally facing her, Tristan looks at her with bloodshot eyes. "I love you."

"You haven't had a lot of talent to make me feel loved lately."

Sitting beside her, Tristan asks, "Will you give me another chance?"

"For what, Tristan? To hurt me even more? I don't think I have the strength to keep doubting you."

"Then let me explain."

"…Only if you tell me the truth."

"Okay."

"Where were you last week?"

"Alone, in a motel. I needed to focus."

"On what?"

"I wanted to know if I still wanted to be with you."

Rory turns around to lie on her stomach, avoiding facing him and showing him how much he just broke her. "Well, you can pack and leave, or I will."

"I don't want you to leave; I want to be with you. I've realised this last week that we grew apart, with our jobs and with…"

"… Your drinking…"

"… and it's not the same anymore, there's always something important to do…"

"… Before spending time together. We're always…"

Tristan starts to slowly rub Rory's back, "… too busy to talk or do anything together anymore."

Still not facing him, "And what about that girl last night?"

"I wanted to assure myself that I was still in love with you."

"By cheating on me?"

Forcing Rory to turn around and look at him, he whispers, "By resisting her."

  
  
  
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Rory wakes up in the dark, scanning the room with her eyes; she sees Tristan standing in front of the window, eerily similar to the memory. Without turning around he whispers, "I need you Rory. After you left I almost drowned myself in the bottle. It's over forever."

Rory looks at Tristan, concerned, quietly she asks, "I just remembered that I was pregnant. What happened after that? Tell me everything right now Tristan, and tell me the truth."

"You accepted to give me a second chance, as your belly grew, our love flourished even more. I stopped drinking completely. You were radiant while pregnant and I was even more in love with you…"

As she listens to Tristan words, the memories come back, cutting him to speak, "… and we enjoyed doing the groceries again. There was this multicolour dress I had bought for the summer…"

"… Then there was the ultrasound that revealed that the baby was perfectly healthy…"

"… and that we would name her Victoria…"

"… For victory over the shadows that had surrounded our lives…"

"… and then I went in labour and while they gave me something to relax, the nurse had to go help you because you were puking your guts out."

"I couldn't stand to see you suffer."

Suddenly, Rory gets up and runs where the nursery was, followed closely by Tristan. Everything is still in the right place, even the little dress she wanted to dress her in the morning.

Rory turns around; fighting the screams she wants to let out. "Tristan, please tell me that it was all a dream."

Seeing the tears in his eyes, a single tear falls before she loses consciousness in his arms.

  
  
  
**__**

Author's Note: Okay, if you agree with my BETA that I'm evil for ending it like that, don't worry, another chapter is under the process of beeing written. Drop a note, did you cry? laugh? fell asleep?  
**Siaram**


	6. Tristan: The point of no return

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Disclaimer : I don't have any right on Gilmore Girls, if I had, do you seriously think I would have kept Dean that long on the show?

  
  
  
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Author's Note 2004/02/24: Thank you for all the wonderful reviews I received they mean the world to me. And a big thanks to Jayde, who is my beta, and is constantly pushing me to have more of this story.

  
  
  


****

To Remember You  
Chapter 6: Tristan: The Point Of No Return

  
  
  
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Lying down on their bed, Tristan looks at Rory, still unconscious. Softly playing with her hair, waiting for her to come back to reality, scared that she'll erase him again, he looks at the clock, ten minutes in a world without pain.

  
  
  
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"Remember the love Rory; remember how in love you feel this morning."

  
  
  
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Rory is laying in her old bedroom, wondering why she is still single at twenty seven with no job when she used to work, why the whole town treats her like a porcelain doll. Lorelai enters the room, her eyes red from crying too much. "How do you feel this morning Rory?"

"Incomplete, like there's just so much out there that I should have. But here I am, single, no job, no single girlfriends that could go out with me. It's as if I lost track of time and I just woke up."

  
  
  
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"Only if you don't leave me again."

  
  
  
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Opening her eyes, Rory is met with Tristan's concerned blue orbs, uncertain of the way he should act; he plays with her tangled hair. Placing her head over his chest, Rory lets the tears go as he holds her close to him. Picking up the phone on night table beside the bed, he presses the 'memory 1' button. The answering machine picks up, "Lorelai, come over as soon as you can, use the spare key." Tristan hangs up the phone, trying to comfort Rory of the pain still too raw inside of her.

  
  
  
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"Lorelai, help me, she's going mad. She doesn't remember that Vicky is dead, she takes care of a doll, rocking it and singing the same lullaby all the time."

"I'm on my way."

  
  
  
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"Rory? It's Tristan's turn to take care of Victoria. Why don't you come in Stars Hollow with me? We were supposed to have a movie night."

"Really? I must have forgotten about it."

  
  
  
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"I'm not really feeling for a movie night mom, rain check?" 

"Sure."

  
  
  
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"Tristan, she needs a break, she'll call you when she's ready."

"Lorelai, she's been with you for the last two weeks and she still hasn't called."

"Give her time Tristan. She has a lot to heal."

Feeling guilty, Tristan walks inside the little club he hasn't stepped into in over a year. The same crowd is there, after ordering a double Scotch, he walks over to his drinking friends, knowing that if he was sober, they would be anything but friends to him.

  
  
  
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Using the spare key to enter the house, Lorelai climbs up the stairs quietly, not hearing any sound. Stopping in front of the entrance of Tristan and Rory's bedroom, she takes a deep breath before walking over to the bed, where she sees that Rory has fallen asleep from crying while Tristan seems lost in memories. As Lorelai approaches the bed, Tristan disentangles himself from Rory; motioning for Lorelai to be quiet and to follow him.

  
  
  
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Sitting in front of two steaming coffee mugs, Lorelai asks, "How do you feel?"

"Relieved, she cried herself to sleep which means she lives in the same reality we do."

"How could everything come back so fast? She only left four hours ago."

"It's the house."

Taking Tristan's hand, Lorelai asks, "How are you really feeling?"

Extracting his hand from Lorelai's, he takes hold of his mug, looking intensely at it, "I'm thirsty, everyday I'm thirsty and each day is harder than the previous one. I'm hungry for it." Looking at Lorelai's eyes, he resumes, "But don't worry, that phase of my life is over forever. I almost reached the point of no return, and I'll die of thirst before I drink again."

  
  
  
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Looking through the window of the small bar, Lucas doesn't see his cousin anywhere. Walking inside, he walks up to the bartender but before he can say anything, the bartender says, "I told you already Tristan, you've had enough tonight, go home and sleep."

Lucas smiles as he asks, "I'm his cousin Lucas, actually. I'm looking for Tristan."

"Well, ya' could have fooled me, the last time I saw him he was going in the washrooms."

Following the barman's direction, Lucas enters the men's-room only to find an unconscious Tristan lying on the floor, his head bleeding. Hurrying to his cousin, Lucas shakes him a little. Tristan opens one eye, trying to stand up but he feels paralyzed, "Wouca, my hen, ame to guy my a burr?"

Trying to help Tristan up, Lucas replies sharply, "I'm bringing you home, where you'll be able to rest and get yourself back on your feet."

Protesting, Tristan tries to get away "Cursed, cam't, is cused!"

Frustrated by his cousin incoherence, Lucas says, "I'll bring you to my place then."

  
  
  
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"Hey handsome, guess what you called my dear boyfriend last night? Well, I'll tell you, you called him a hen."

Slowly opening his eyes, Tristan sees Brooke, cheerful as always. Looking at her dark green eyes, he lets out, "Huh?"

Giving him a mug of strong black coffee, Brooke explains, "See, we were worried about you. You didn't go to work since Rory went back to her mom, you're never home and you never answer your cell. Lucas, out of curiosity, went to your little bar and found you unconscious in the washroom."

Closing his eyes in shame and from the headache intensified by the light, Tristan whispers with a dry throat, "I don't remember."

"With the smell emanating from you, I don't even have to guess why. Now, why don't you go take a nice hot shower while I change these sheets?" Brooke doesn't wait for his answer, she helps him out of bed and sends him in the bathroom where a set of clean clothes from Lucas is waiting for him.

  
  
  
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Looking at the night clock on the night table, Tristan gets up, feeling in shape to go back to the bar, Tristan wets his hair and goes down the stairs to leave Lucas's house only to be met by Lucas and Brooke waiting for him. Opening his mouth to say something, Tristan is cut-off by Lucas, "You're not going anywhere tonight, you're not going anywhere for a while."

"Lucas, let me go, there's stuff I need to do and take care of."

"No. Cancel everything, because this is not you. You're better than this."

"Who the hell are you to tell me that? I'm perfectly fine and I'm leaving now."

"Tristan, you have to stop drinking, you're killing yourself."

"I would be better off dead, my daughter is dead and my wife left me."

Deciding to enter the conversation, Brooke exclaims, "What?"

"You heard me, she's gone crazy, Lorelai came to get her and she hasn't given me news ever since."

"Lucas, why don't you go make us some coffee, we'll be in the living room." Lucas nods, and leaves them alone to talk.

  
  
  
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Waking up to an empty room, Rory lights up the bed lamp and opens the drawer of her night table, retrieving a photo album. On the first page, written by her own hand, she reads the words, 'To my Victoria, in this album you'll find all your past, Your loving mom.' As tears slowly escapes her eyes, Rory turns the pages, looking at every pictures reading the inscription she wrote, at the hospital less than two hours after her birth, the first night she spend in her little cradle, her first Halloween dressed in a pumpkin suit even though she was only a month old, pictures in the bath, her first smile, her first Christmas, new year's eve at the Gilmore's mansion, her first time in the snow, her first Valentine's Day dressed as a big heart. And then empty pages. Rory lies down again on the bed, holding the album close to her heart, crying silent tears.

  
  
  
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Entering the room, Lorelai sees Rory holding the baby album tightly against her chest. Lying down beside her daughter, she speaks softly, "Rory, remember how you felt this morning. He needs you as much as you need him."

Facing her mom, Rory cries, "That's the thing, I just feel a void, I don't feel anything beside sadness and I feel like it's drowning me."

Lorelai holds her daughter tight against her, soothing her to sleep.

  
  
  
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Tristan wakes up at the crack of dawn, watching his beautiful wife while she sleeps. Instinctively, she gets closer to him, holding him tight as she sleeps, breathing him in.

  
  
  
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Opening her eyes to see Tristan, Rory says, "I want you to bring me to her grave."

  
  
  
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"Want me to go with you?"

"No, just tell me which one it is." 

Pointing the location, he whispers, "It's where your grandmother is standing. I'll wait for you right here, if you need me, call me."

Without answering, Rory starts walking holding the photo album close to her when she hears, "I love you Rory." Still silent, she continues down the path.

  
  
  
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Emily Gilmore is standing and talking in front of the headstone of her great-granddaughter, "…I beg you Victoria, please help your mommy, she is lost in darkness, not remembering you or her husband. Help her find her way to happiness again. Help her remember you, she's the same she always was but we never know what to say to her because we might damage her memory even more. Sometimes, her eyes wander to a place where only she knows, but her eyes, in those moments are so sad. I know that I've asked you before, but I'm scared for her. She loved you so much…she needs to grieve with her husband. The stars in her eyes left the day you died but she doesn't know it and your father needs her to help heal his pain. I'm begging you Vicky, help your mother remember…" The sound of shoes walking on the grass interrupts her, turning around; Emily sees Rory standing behind her, tears covering her beautiful face. "Rory, I didn't… what are you… I'm sorry… how much did you…"

"It's okay grandma, I know. I remember everything. I just… I came to say my goodbyes."

"How did you…"

"Can we talk about it another time? I just want to talk with Victoria now."

Walking to Rory, Emily holds her and kisses her cheek, "Of course. I was just leaving, I'll call you later."

"Okay, call me at my house. I moved back."

Turning to leave, Emily sees Tristan sitting on a bench; she nods and leaves to go meet Tristan.

Once alone in front of the grave, Rory falls on her knees crying, "Victoria, can you forgive me, I never meant to erase you. It was just too hard, help me, I don't know how to live without you. I carried you for nine months and then I held you for five months. I brought you the picture album I made you, wanting to bury it with you but I can't, I'm not ready to let go just yet. I need it to remember how wonderful you were. All I feel is sadness inside my heart; I have no place for love anymore. Yesterday I was in love with your father, but now that you're not here anymore, I also remembered that you're the reason we didn't get a divorce. Without you, I'm not sure I want to be with your father. Please, light my way Vicky."

Rory rests her head on the stone and closes her eyes, waiting for an answer she won't receive. Crying out loud, she loses consciousness.

  
  
  
**__**

Author's note: Loved it? Hated it? Too short or too long to read? Just drop me a note!  
**Siaram**


	7. Rory: Making Decisions

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Disclaimer : I don't have any right on Gilmore Girls, if I had, do you seriously think I would have kept Dean that long on the show?

  
  
  
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Author's Note 2004/02/28: Hey everybody, I just wanted to let you all know that I'm a review addict and that I loved everyone of them. Jayde… my wonderful BETA, thank you.

  
  
  


****

To Remember You  
Chapter 7: Rory: Making Decisions

  
  
  
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Running to Rory, Tristan and Emily are worried by the way her head had made a weird move before falling onto the mud, the first to reach her is Tristan. Kneeling beside her, he takes her in his arms, asking, "Rory, do you hear me Rory?" 

With no answers on her part, he lifts her in his arms and joins Emily who is trying to run the fastest she can with her expensive high heeled shoes. Tristan runs with Rory in her arms to his car as Emily screams, "I'll meet you at your place."

  
  
  
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Rory regains consciousness in the car, sitting up in the back seat, she asks, "Why didn't you leave me with her?"

Glancing at her in his mirror, Tristan says while parking the car on the side of the street, "I couldn't just leave you there Rory. I love you too much for that."

Rory looks out the window, not saying a word. After a little while Tristan starts the engine to drive back home.

  
  
  
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Rory looks out the window, waiting for Tristan to leave the house to go to work. Seven days since she went to the grave, seven days wondering what was in her best interest. Seven days wanting to scream to the world that she wanted to die, that she wanted to go to heaven and hold her child again. Tristan is standing in front of her, "Are you sure you'll be alright by yourself? I can always take another week of unpaid leave."

"No, I'll be fine. I'll read, maybe go take a walk. Go work, don't worry. I'll be fine."

Bending down to kiss her goodbye, she shifts her head to make him kiss the cheek. Keeping a frustrated groan for himself, he says, "Well, I'll be home around five. I love you." But she is already lost in her memories as he walks out the door, frustrated.

  
  
  
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Sitting on her daughter's grave, Rory whispers, "Hey, baby. We have another five hours to talk."

  
  
  
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Entering the house after work the way he had for the previous month, Tristan sighs knowing exactly what kind of evening lays ahead of him. Entering the kitchen where Rory is doing the final preparations for dinner, he gets close to her and tries to kiss her, knowing that she will move to escape his kiss. "How was your day Rory?"

Not turning to face him, she takes the pasta out of the stove. "Good, as always."

As Rory fills the plates, Tristan sits at the table asking, "Did you do anything interesting?"

Sitting down to eat, Rory answers, knowing it will break any kind of conversation, "Not really, the usual."

  
  
  
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As Rory washes the dishes, Tristan is beside her drying it and unnerving her at the same time for doing it. When the last plate is dry, Rory says, "I'm burned, I'm going to bed." She leaves without saying another word.

  
  
  
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Tristan is walking through the streets of Hartford, wishing for the good old times to come back. The times when Rory had stars in her eyes, when she was talking, when she wanted to talk and eat junk food 'til it made them sick, or the crazy nights that they had spent making love and talking about the future. Now, all he got was a wife preparing supper, wanting to wash the dirty dishes right after, and then go to bed, closing herself to him. Passing in front of his old favourite bar, he takes out his cell phone and dials a familiar number.

  
  
  
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Rory is awakened by the repetitive doorbell ring. Standing up, she shouts while donning a robe, "Tristan, why don't you answer the door? You knew I was asleep!" Walking down the stairs, she turns to look at Tristan, who is as usually asleep in front of the television to find it dark and empty. Walking to the door, she opens it angrily. "Hey girlfriend, no need to worry about your yummy husband, he's drinking coffee with my dreamy boyfriend."

Moving aside a little to let Brooke in, Rory closes the door behind her to follow Brooke into her living room. "What brings you here this late at night, Brooke?"

Brooke sits down on the couch followed closely by Rory, "It's not late Rory, it's barely ten. Plus I think it's time for us to talk."

Looking bored, Rory asks, "About what?"

"About the way you're shutting everything that's good out of your life."

"Name me three things that are good about my life."

"Rory, I know it's hard but you have to get over it. You have to have fun in life, it's already short enough, and you can't keep on living like a zombie for the rest of your life."

"Not everything in life is about fun Brooke."

  
  
  
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"Brooke, I have a deadline, and right now is not a good time. I need to focus, but I can't if you stay here."

"Rory, we've been over this, Lucas and Tristan are out of town, let's do something fun. Like go play pool or dancing."

"Have you looked at me Brooke? I'm the size of an elephant! I won't go play pool."

"Then let's go dancing, you would have fun."

"My feet hurt when I stand up too long, you don't know what it's like to have watermelon in your stomach. If I tried to dance I'd probably pee myself, anyway. The wonders of gravity, and a baby on your bladder."

"Well, let's go have coffee and a movie, it would be better than nothing."

  
  
  
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"What are you doing here with a beer in front of you? We made a deal Tristan."

Raising his eyes to look into Lucas's, Tristan whispers, "I'm testing myself, but tonight I can't do it alone."

"What are you talking about? Come on, let's get some coffee."

Looking at his beer one last time, Tristan follows Lucas, craving for just a little taste of his drink.

  
  
  
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"What are you scared of Rory? He's been in love with you forever and you love him too. Where did everything turn bad?"

"When he started to love his beer more than me."

"You know that that phase of his life is over forever, right?"

  
  
  
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"Tristan, you have to stay strong, you can't go back there. You'll kill yourself."

Tristan looking at the floor answers Brooke, "Maybe that's what I really want. I could survive the death of Victoria if I was with her, if we could hold on to each other, but she abandoned me. I'm all alone; I can't go through it alone. We were supposed to cry together, stay together for better or worse."

Looking up, Brooke sees Lucas holding a tray filled with mugs of coffee. She holds Tristan in a tight embrace, letting him weep. "You're not alone Tristan. I'm here." Looking at Lucas again, "We're here"

Lucas puts the tray on the coffee table before sitting down beside Tristan, waiting to be needed.

  
  
  
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"Then he stayed with us for a month, spending the next one trying to get a glance of you while parked in front of your house at night, expecting you to join him."

"I didn't even know that he existed. I didn't even know I was married, but I knew something was wrong, the whole town was acting weird around me."

"You have to give him another chance, because I don't think that he could survive losing you again."

"What are you saying? That I should stay with him even if I don't feel anything anymore?"

"No, I'm just saying that you should talk to him, try and figure out where you stand."

Rory is walking around the cemetery, trying to find her daughter's grave in the dark. Recognising the place, she lies down on the ground, wrapping herself in the baby blanket she brought with her. Closing her eyes to fall asleep, tears fall freely from her eyes. "Vicky, sleep is escaping me, but when I'm awake I can't live my life because I miss you too much. I have to let you go to be able to live again. I won't abandon you, you'll always be in my heart and I'll come and visit you often but it won't be every day. Do you know that today you would be ten months old; you would probably be crawling on the floor or crying of the pain caused by your teething. You would have probably called me mama once or twice by now." Wiping the tears from her eyes, she sobs, "But I'll never be able to hear these words from you. The simplest word in the world, and yet the most important one." Crying freely, against her daughter's grave, Rory falls asleep from exhaustion.

  
  
  
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Rory is walking on a rainbow, sitting on it, she slides down to land beside a pot of gold. Laughing freely, she turns around, looking for someone who could tell her how to get back over the top of the rainbow. The pot of gold fades as she sees a little girl aged around ten or twelve years old. She asks the girl, "Hey, do you know how to get back on the rainbow?"

A crystalline laugh escaped the little girl's mouth, "No, you can only ride it once per rainbow, yours just faded away."

Turning around, seeking the rainbow, Rory realises that it disappeared. Looking at the little girl with dark blond hair and turquoise eyes, she asks, "What are you doing here all by yourself?"

Laughing again, the little girl sits down on the green meadow, "I'm not alone, I never was. My parents can't be with me right now but it's okay, because they think about me and love me."

Sitting in front of the little girl, Rory asks, "Then why are you here?"

"To show myself to you and help you live your life like you should." Tears fill the little girl's eyes but it's not interrupting her, "I need to tell you that I love you Mommy, and that you need to live. Without you and dad I'll be forgotten, without you, daddy's lost. He'll only remember his failures; I need you to come back mommy. I need to live inside you the way I know you'll never let me die."

Rory holds the little girl in her arms, rocking her softly as she whispers, "I'll never let you die Vicky; you'll always have a place in my heart. I'll let you grow in my heart as I grow old."

"I love you mommy."

  
  
  
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"I love you too Vicky. You're so beautiful; just hold me tight to let me know that I'm not dreaming." 

As two big and strong arms surround Rory, she slowly opens her eyes to find herself in the cemetery ground. "It was just a dream. It wasn't real!" Turning around to face the person holding her, she faces Tristan and starts to mourn.

Tristan lets her cry for a while and as the sun rises, he whispers, "Let me take you home."

  
  
  
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It's been three days, three days of watching Rory cry between small amounts of rest, when Tristan wakes up alone in bed. Fear stuck in his heart, he gets up to find her. Seeing her sitting on the couch listening to David Bowie's old compilation as she drinks a cup of coffee, he slowly walks up to her and sits beside her, waiting for her to say something.

"We need to talk, Tristan."

"Why don't I like the sound of that?"

Facing him to look him in the eyes for the first time in a long time, she notices suddenly how tired he looks. Raising a hand to cup his cheek, and hopefully help alleviate his eyes of the sadness, she whispers, "We have a long way to go, but I want to try. Can we start over?"

  
  
  
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Author's Note: That's it for today, another chapter coming up soon, meanwhile, a little click of purple button would make me very happy ;-)  
**Siaram**


	8. Gilmore girls’ lullaby

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Disclaimer : I don't have any right on Gilmore Girls, if I had, do you seriously think I would have kept Dean that long on the show? I also don't own Billy Joel's lullaby.

  
  
  
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Author's Note 2004/03/15: Thank you for all the wonderful reviews I received, my head almost exploded with joy on the amount of people crying, I was happy because that was the intention and I succeed. I want to give a special thank you to **Mai-Anh** and **Jayde** for taking the time to go over the chapter.

  
  
  


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To Remember You  
Chapter 8: Gilmore girls' lullaby

  
  
  
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Sitting on the leather chair situated in front of her working desk, Rory tries to free herself from the burden weighting down her heart by writing her feelings out. The music echoing softly around the room helps her concentrate on her work. In the previous two weeks, she spent her days writing everything coming out of her fingers; she writes about her childhood, her Chilton years, the crazy town folk of Stars Hollow, Yale, friendship and anything that passes through her mind. Five hundred pages of words describing her feelings and memories as they come to her mind. A familiar song starts to play on the radio; closing she closes her eyes to fight the tears that haven't fallen yet.

  
  
  
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Lorelai is lying down beside her beloved daughter trying to convince her to sleep instead of asking questions that were making her head spin. Slowly, she starts to sing to her ten year old daughter.

Good night, my angel  
Time to close your eyes  
And save these questions for another day  
I think I know what you've been asking me  
I think you know what I've been trying to say  
I promised I would never leave you  
And you should always know  
Wherever you may go  
No matter where you are  
I never will be far away

Lorelai stops singing as she sees that her little angel is finally asleep. She pulls the cover over her and kisses her softly before going in her own bed that is just across the room. She falls asleep as she watches in amazement the miracle of nature that made her a mother.

  
  
  
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Rory gets up still fighting her tears, whispering softly, "Come on Rory, you can do it, you can't cry now. Tristan is about to get home and you want him to be so proud when you say that today was the first day without tears."

  
  
  
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Rory is rocking Victoria to sleep as she watches her flickering eyes slowly getting heavier. She is amazed to realise that this wonderful creature didn't exist at all last year. Tears of happiness fall down on her baby's pyjamas as she sings the song her mother used to sing to her.

Goodnight, my angel  
Now it's time to sleep  
And still so many things I want to say  
Remember all the song you sang for me  
When we went sailing on an emerald bay

Victoria's eyes open to look inside her mom's eyes and as she hears her mommy sing, she smiles for the first time. Rory's voice falters with emotion as she continues to sing.

And like a boat out of the ocean  
I'm rocking you to sleep  
The water's dark  
And deep inside this ancient heart  
You'll always be a part of me

Putting Victoria in her cradle tenderly, Rory sits back down on the rocking chair to watch her baby sleeping, amazed by the perfection she and Tristan have created.

  
  
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Rory leaves the room running down the hallway as the doorbell rings, thinking it might change her mind about her sad memories. Opening the door, she sees a joyful Lorelai standing at the entrance, her arms filled with bags of food. Tears start flowing down her cheeks as she runs into her mother's arms for comfort.

  
  
  
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Lorelai is extenuated from the moving inside HER house. At eleven years old, her daughter will finally be able to have her own room. She's so proud to be finally able to offer a roof that belongs to them that she goes to check if Rory is asleep. As she enters the kitchen, she hears muffled cries coming from her daughter's room. Pushing the door leading her inside Rory's room, she sees the shaken form of her daughter crying. Sitting on the bed, she starts rubbing Rory's back softly, "Hey hon, what's wrong?"

"I feel so lost mom."

"Why?"

Turning to lie on her back, Rory looks into her mother's eyes, "Because it's the first time in my life that you won't be sleeping close to me."

"Push aside; I'll stay until you fall asleep."

Rory moves to make room for her mother to lie down beside her as Lorelai sings the same lullaby she always sang to ease her to sleep.

Goodnight, my angel  
Now it's time to dream  
And dream how wonderful your life will be  
Someday your child may cry  
And if you sing this lullabye  
Then in your heart  
There will always be a part of me

Instead of getting up to climb the stairs to her room, Lorelai falls asleep with Rory.

  
  
  
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Parking his car in front of the house, Tristan is scared as he realises that all the lights are off. With fear strangling his heart, he opens the front door and enters the house. Passing in front of the living room, he sees a shadow sitting on the coach, "Rory, is everything all right?"

The shadow moves slowly and says softly, "Shuuuut!" then the shadow stands up to join him and motions him to follow.

  
  
  
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Sitting at the kitchen counter, Tristan asks Lorelai anxiously, "Tell me what happened?"

Drinking her coffee slowly, Lorelai gives a sad smile to Tristan, "I don't know. I rang the bell and she answered the door with watery eyes. The second she saw me, she ran in my arms and started to cry. She was saying something about a lullaby and that's all I could understand."

"She didn't say anything else?"

"No, she cried and fell asleep as I sang her the lullaby I used to sing when she was little."

  
  
  
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Rory wakes up surrounded in darkness. She sits down and rubs her eyes to fight the sleep away. Looking around her she sees Tristan asleep at the other end of the couch. As she watches him sleep, she feels the urge to be enwrapped by his strong arms. Moving to reach his end of the couch, she squeezes herself beside him. Still sleeping, Tristan moves his arms around her to hold her tight against his chest.

  
  
  
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The morning finds them sleeping on the couch, close like they haven't been in a long time. Tristan is the first to wake up and it's with tenderness that he plays with her hair, happy to finally be able to hold her against him on her own initiative. Smiling sadly, aware of the rocky path still laying ahead of them, he tenderly kisses her forehead, waking her up at the same time. 

As Rory opens her eyes, she is lost in the depth of Tristan's eyes and for the first time since she remembers, she wants to kiss him and be kissed by him. Her eyes drop to look at his lips and slowly, she gets closer to him as Tristan holds his breath, scared to break the spell. As her lips touch his, he tightens his hold on her, bringing her closer to him.

Their kiss is tender at first until Tristan decides to take command. Passing his tongue over her lips, he shifts her to make her lie on her back, his hands taking liberty over her body. As Rory opens her mouth to speak, he kisses her thoroughly. Rory lets the feelings invade her, filling her with lust and passion. For the first time in nearly two months, she feels something other than pain and sorrow. Breaking the heated kiss, her hands travelling down his back, she lifts his shirt a bit, "Make love to me Tristan." Taking his shirt off, he agrees by kissing her again.

  
  
  
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Entangled on the couch and sleeping again, they are awakened to the doorbell sound. Tristan kisses Rory softly before standing up to get dress as Rory does the same thing, giggling, "I feel like when my mom almost caught us having sex in the shower."

Tristan smiles at her to go open the door. Lorelai is standing on the other side looking worried, "Is she all right? Why aren't you at work?"

Smirking, his eyes sparkling a little "Had a better offer on how to spend my morning."

Lorelai looks at his more than usually messy hair when she hears, "Tristan, who is it?"

"I guess your mother caught us after all."

Rory runs to the door, her cheeks burning with shyness, "Hey mom."

Lorelai looks between the two of them, "Was I disturbing something? Because I can always go have a coffee and come back later."

Tristan smiles, "No, that's all right, I have to get to work anyway." Kissing Rory on the lips, he walks up the stair lightly to go take a shower.

"Rory, I want details."

Blushing intensely and closing the door behind Lorelai, Rory says, "I don't have to tell you anything about that." Then seriously, she looks at her mother, "I need a favor mom. Will you come with me after Tristan leaves?"

"Where?"

  
  
  
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Lorelai and Rory are sitting on the grass in front of Victoria's grave holding hands with watery eyes singing tenderly together Victoria's last lullaby,

Someday we'll all be gone  
But lullaby go on and on  
They never die  
That's how you  
And I  
Will be

  
  
  
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Author's Note: It's not finished yet… two or three more chapters left. Make me happy and review.  
**Siaram**


	9. Rory & Tristan: The Mourning

**_Disclaimer :_** I don't have any right on Gilmore Girls, if I had, do you seriously think I would have kept Dean that long on the show?

  
  
  
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Author's Note: Thank you for all the wonderful reviews; I loved every one of them. I want to give a special thank you to **Jayde** for taking the time to go over the chapter.

  
  
  
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To Remember You  
Chapter 9: Rory & Tristan: The Mourning 

  
  
  
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Entering the house after a long day at work, Tristan is happy to be back at home that night for the first time in almost a year.  All day long, he remembered making love to Rory in the morning and his hope of their life going back to normal increased.  Entering the kitchen quietly, he sees Rory making the final touches on dinner.  Tristan leans on the door frame, waiting for Rory to notice his presence.  Her eyes, still red from crying, finally meet his and her cheeks blushes.  "I didn't hear you come in."

Crossing the distance separating them, Tristan bends to kiss her softly but Rory moves her head to have his kiss land on her cheek.  Frowning in surprise and disappointment, Tristan asks, "Is everything all right?"

Forcing herself to smile, Rory sits down in front of her plate, leaving Tristan to do the same. Deciding to avoid his question, Rory starts to eat, "How was your day?"

Confused at her behaviour, Tristan also starts to eat, "Disturbing but good. Yours?"

"The usual."

Sorrow fills Tristan's heart as he realises that nothing really changed.  Bringing his fork close to his mouth, he changes his mind dropping the fork and standing up, "You know what?  I'm not that hungry I'll just go do some work."  Tristan exits the room without another word.

  
  
  
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Rory enters her and Tristan's apartment exhausted after her last final.  A smile crosses her features as the aroma fills her nostrils.  Walking into the kitchen, the room is lit only by candles placed around the room, a bouquet of lilies placed in the middle of the table.  She is met by Tristan offering her a glass of red wine, "Congratulations Mary, you're now a Yale Graduate."

Blushing, Rory nears the table, smelling the lilies "I haven't graduated yet, but if I'm one, so are you."

"Nope, still have one exam tomorrow."

"Then, let's wait to celebrate together."

Walking to stand beside Rory, Tristan holds her in his arms, "No, tonight is all about you.  You want to do something, we do it."

Rory returns the embrace and raising herself on her tiptoes, she kisses him softly, "I love you."

  
  
  
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Entering his house after a long day at work, a day where he spend all day trying to figure if it was better for his sanity and Rory's to just file for a divorce and go on their separate ways, he passes in front of the kitchen, not even bothering to enter the kitchen, knowing that Rory is there colder than ever preparing dinner.  Entering his workout room, he takes his jacket off, opens the radio, boosting the volume knowing it will annoy Rory then lie down on the bench to lift weights.

  
  
  
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Sitting in front of her house, Rory waits for Tristan to come home.  It's been a week since they made love, since she shut him out that evening by pushing him away, each night he came back home later than the previous day, avoiding her altogether.  As she's waiting, she replays the event of the afternoon in her head.

  
  
  
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_Sitting in the garden, Rory tries to read a book but she can't concentrate on it.  Closing her eyes, she tries to imagine Tristan's arms around her, kissing her.  "Hey friend.  Guess who it is, no need to beg I'll tell you, it's me Brooke. The girl who's friend decided that she wanted to be alone, shutting everybody out of her life."_

_Slowly opening her eyes, Rory looks at Brooke with a smile, "I wasn't expecting you.  How are you?"_

_"Me? I'm always fine.  The question is: how you are?"_

_Looking confused, Rory says, "I'm fine."_

_"Then why didn't you come for dinner yesterday with Tristan.  He said you cancelled on him at the last minute saying you weren't feeling well."_

_Rory's heart is seized by coldness, "He never mentioned that we were invited.  In fact, he's been avoiding me for a while now."_

_"I know it's none of my business but this time it's not Tristan's fault that you two are having problems."_

_Standing up, Rory turns her back on Brooke, hiding the tears that are threatening to fall.  As she walks away, she whispers, "You don't know what you're talking about Brooke."_

_Brooke watches Rory walk away, not knowing how to make her friend react, she screams, "You're going to lose him for good if you don't react soon."  Acting as if she hasn't heard, Rory enters her house, closing the door on Brooke without a goodbye._

  
  
  
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Parking the car in front of his house, Tristan sighs deeply, wishing he could be anywhere but here.  The mansion is dark but he's not surprised as it is midnight and Rory usually goes to bed early. Slowing as he walks to the entrance, he sees Rory asleep in front of it, dried tears covering her cheeks. Lowering himself, he shakes Rory, trying to wake her up.  "Why aren't you in bed Rory?"

Rubbing her eyes to fight the sleep away, "I needed to talk to you."

Helping her up on her feet, Tristan whispers, "I'm really tired, can we talk tomorrow?"

Rory nods, knowing that she's going to have to wait, but that at least tomorrow is Saturday and he won't be able to avoid her for two days.

  
  
  
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Sleep escaping her, Rory looks at Tristan's back in the bed; he's resting on his side the closest possible to the bed side.  Unable to resist the urge she feels to get close to him, she moulds her body against his back, holding him tightly.  Since sleep is also escaping him, Tristan gently takes Rory hands away from him. Standing up, he asks, "Want some coffee?"

"Sure."  Tristan leaves the room without another word.

  
  
  
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Sitting at the kitchen counter, Rory observes Tristan making coffee, clad only in his boxers. He fills two mugs of coffee, sits down facing her while sliding a mug in front of her.  Tristan looks at her in the eyes, waiting for her to say something. Rory contemplates her coffee, not touching it.  Getting exasperated, Tristan says while standing up, "Okay, if you don't have anything to say, I'll just go back to bed."

Panicking, Rory mumbles, "I'm sorry."

Tristan sits back, looking intensely at his wife as she keeps avoiding eye contact.  "Look Rory, I've done everything I could to support you but I just can't take it anymore.  I don't mind if we fight and argue, hell it would be better than the silences, but now you're just shutting me out.  I... I… I want out, Rory."

Rory shivers as the coldness of his words fills her body.  Raising her eyes to meet his cold and tired eyes, she whispers, "I'm scared to get close to you again but I'm even more afraid to lose you completely."

"I feel like I lost you already Rory.  Last week, I had hope but after this week's behaviour, I realised that I'm holding onto nothing."

"I'm sorry if I shut you out after we made love, but it felt so natural to do that with you that I freaked out.  I don't want out of this; in fact I want to start over."

"We can't start over; we have a past we cannot erase."

"Then I want to try to deal with it with you."

He pauses, "Give me some time to think about it, will you?"  Rory nods her head and he stands up to get back to bed.

  
  
  
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As the filtered sun begins to illuminate Victoria's room, Rory has packed most of the baby stuff in the room in three kinds of boxes. The dispose, keep in case for later, and the box that will contain her reminders of Victoria.  Holding minuscule pyjamas in her hands, she folds it tenderly to place it in the souvenirs pile.

  
  
  
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_Rory is rocking __Victoria while nursing her for the first time in her house.  Her whole body still hurts from the labour but her heart is ready to explode from happiness and love.  And even though she is exhausted, she doesn't want to rest, wanting to admire her little angel in her first pyjamas.  Tristan leans on the door frame observing the perfect picture in front of him. The perfect future._

  
  
  
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Tristan enters the nursery quietly, watching as Rory is sitting on the floor going over Victoria's stuff and packing it in boxes.  There are eight boxes taped and placed in one corner and three lining on another corner. Tristan silently approaches Rory and sits down behind her, wrapping is arms around her.  Feeling her body tensing at his touch, Tristan brings his lips near her left ear, "Relax, just let me hold you for a minute.  Then we'll talk."  Rory slightly relaxes in his embrace and after a couple of minutes, Tristan let go of her.  "I'm ready to talk now."

Rory turns to face him, waiting for what he has to say.  Tristan watches her waiting anxiously for him to speak, just like a child ready to be grounded.  Standing up, he offers his hand to help her up, happy that she accepts it.  "Let's get some coffee."

  
  
  
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Both sitting on different ends of the couch, facing each other, neither Rory nor Tristan knows how to break the silence that has surrounded them for too long.  Finally, Tristan decides to speak, "You know, I still want to be with you, I just can't deal with your silences.  I just want to deal with things with you instead of watching you run away from me.  If this is going to work, I think we need to talk to each other even if the words can hurt.  I'd rather have you screaming at me instead of seeing you ignoring me."  Moving a bit to be closer to Rory, he takes her left hand in his, "I want us to do things together like we used to.  We were friends before lovers; can't we at least be friends for now?"

Rory closes her eyes to take a deep breath, "I want to move out."

"What?  I thought you said you wanted to try and you're just going to run away again?"

Tristan takes his hand away but Rory takes it in both of her hands, "I meant it and I mean it, but can't we do it somewhere else?"

"Why?"

"Because I wanted an old house and I mostly have bad memories of this place.  Why don't we have the new house you wanted, where we'll build it the way we want it, where we have no sad memories.  Before this house, I only have good memories of you and me. We got lost in this house."

"You really mean it?"

"Yes"

Closing the distance between them, Tristan leans to kiss her but she moves her head.  Tristan lets a frustrated groan when he feels Rory's lips on his.  She smiles shyly, whispering "I guess that's another habit I'll have to break.  Be patient with me?"

"Kiss me often, and I will be."

Moving to sit on top of Tristan, Rory moves her hands on his chest, feeling the hardness of his muscles, she lowers her mouth to his neck, kissing it softly, her hands moving to his back holding him tight.  

  
  
  
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**_Author's Note: _**It's still not finished…  Make me happy and review, comments and suggestion are always appreciated.  
**_Siaram_**


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